She prefers cheese and biscuits after a big meal. 
(Some other people prefer a big beautiful dollop of panna cotta after a big meal, but that doesn't have anything to do with this dossier.)
Above her sofa bed, directly above her sleeping guests, she has an early-1900s Scandinavian fishing village. She worries it will fall and kill her guests. It doesn't, of course - it charms her guests, but she still worries. 
For her guests, she makes cakes shaped like breasts. She has blogged about this, and it's true - they are shaped like breasts.
A pale lady lives on her mantlepiece. Incidentally, the pale lady seems to have no breasts. 
Her rugs are tiny.
In her garden, strange, smoke-like ectoplasm creatures surround her guests. 
Above her roof, she keeps a steeple and a full moon.
She's lovely, funny, quirkier than you'd think, savvier than you'd expect, an excellent cook and a lovely friend.
Saturday, January 10, 2009
And now for my Secret Dossier, Pt. 2
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13 comments:
This is good work, Holmes - excellent. But have I missed something? Where is Secret Dossier Pt. 1? Perhaps so secret that even we may not see it.
I have one of those moons above my roof as well. Should really get a steeple to go alongside because the two look good together.
loadsa
(they know you have been to Scotland)
Ahem. Secret Dossier Pt. 1 was actually tremendously secret, yes. It involved collecting revealing items from a certain House of Signs and posting them up on my blog, alongside a very interesting dream sequence originating in the sleeping brain of the mistress of the house. It is most definitely the secretest dossier ever, Signskins, and I shouldn't even mention it.
They do know I've been to Scotland, yes. They know other stuff, too - yesterday, at your house, I had hompromp. I was too stunned to leave a comment.
Oh Nordic Princess (I've taken to using that name for you on other blogs) I love your undercover endeavours. I always knew you were a sort of Scandanavian Mata Hari...travelling hither and yon with your miniature Leica secreted about your reindeer-skin cloak, ready to pounce on any new domestic interior for the delight of your regular readers.
These little insights into the hospitality of strangers (well not 'strangers' exactly) is all too thrilling. What tasty morsel will you serve up next ?
Ahem. Yes of course, Holmes, just testing. Carry on the good work.
Cusp has good idea, no? You must infiltrate, Holmes. No more hompromps - to work.
It really is quite bizarre to see your objets d'art (I say that tongue in cheek) - not to mention your breast fairycakes - blogged, even when you have been consulted kindly and comprehensively on said post...
Anna, you have magical powers, the bathroom tap - that always drips - didn't drip when you were here, and now it is dripping again.
x
Och, wee Cuspchen, I am quite delighted with "Nordic Princess". Delighted. Also super excited to hear of my new Mata-Harian alter ego persona, complete with miniature Leica and reindeer-hide cloak (man, I could really get used to this image). Very happy to hear you've enjoyed following my secret reconnoissance mission - I was thinking that people would think I am mad. This might not have been all that far from the truth, truth to tell, Cuspcake ("I'm mad I am"), but it's a fine thing that it's brought you enjoyment.
I do have one more tasty morsel to offer, but it may be it'll have to wait until I've returned to HQ. In the meantime, I hope you have a wonderful Monday.
x
Sweet seeskins, I've a feeling hompromp is an integral part of this process. Just saying.
Unhappily and as you well know, my mission nears its end, but I'll see what the Northern Lands bring up.
It goes without saying that I have had a wonder time, and my thanks go out to you and the Clan of Signs.
x
Hello sweetpea, your objects d'art are fine things and would deserve more regular blog outings. I mean really - look at the pale lady. I think she could write a blog post or two, you know?
And yes, guilty as charged, I do have magical powers. Finns and plumbing, dearest NMJ, Finns and plumbing.
You of course know that I have lost my heart to Edinburgh and its light, and that it was totally lovely to see you again. Thank you ever so for your hospitality and friendship, sweet pea, and we'll meet again, surely. In the meantime, I'll see if I can magic the tap from the Northern Lands.
x
I can quite see why you would have lost your heart to Edinburgh. But come on, admit it, the drive through creepy Crawley yesterday must have given you a bit of a flutter too, Nordic Princess.
... I just came by for a peep, and the word ver is: binch.
Isn't that just lovely? I had to tell you.
Sweet Sees, Creepy Crawley will forever live on in my fluttering mind. I would never have seen it if weren't for you, and this you know.
NMJ of Legs - binch is lovely, you're so right. I'm feeling that it'd be a term of endearment for a difficult girl - a sort of a bitchy wench, but in the nicest possible way. What do you think?
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