with a bang not a whimper

So the younger son and I are travelling today. To Rome, in fact; have I mentioned that before? Packed and ready – not quite (never fail to leave until the last minute things which could have been done yesterday), but now looking forward to it. For, you see, I had a few days of Internalised Parent Superego stuff (I had made the mistake of Doing the Sums, you see. I should have learned by now). It went something like this: "you crazily mad idiot, you are hemorrhaging money like you could actually afford it, with the amount you have already spent and shall continue to spend on this – and can I just underline this fact – your third holiday abroad this year, you could all  have lived for a good while at home, and there's not going to be any more where that came from and from now on, it will be doom and gloom for ever and nothing is going to rescue you and you have made a mess of everything and it is all your fault and it will all be found out, you will be found out as being as useless bad as you are", and so on.

Nice guy, isn't he? Also known as The Neurotic Vortex, I haven't heard him this loud for quite some time. Probably a few years, in fact. When he strikes, there isn't much I can do. I don't know if I have anyone to turn to in my panic, and if I do, I don't. If you know what I mean.

But, as I said above, I have somehow managed to shake him off and am now looking forward to it. Rome, I mean. At least this spendthrifticity proves, beyond any shadow of a doubt, that I am not my father. Which – for all his virtues and good sides – is A Very Good Thing. It makes a difference if you can act extravagant and generous in a dire situation, rather than passing on the forever-miserable face of perceived famine lurking around the corner; especially if whilst doing so, you are going to fill the ears of your nearests-and-dearests with how grim your life has been, because of the forever-miserable face of perceived famine lurking around every corner.

A lot of repetition there. I hope you caught my gist. Be seeing you.