Wednesday, May 22, 2013

Darkling I listen

Look –

I know I sometimes say upsetting things. I know I sometimes behave stupidly, annoyingly, upsettingly. I know it sometimes causes hurt. I know I sometimes hurt you. I am sorry.

I am clumsy when it comes to loving. I can behave stupidly when I am around someone I care for so much it makes me weak. But please,

it is because I am socially clumsy. It is because I am clumsy and unsure of myself.

I never mean to hurt; I am not evil, mean, bad, calculating. I don't go out of my way to hurt you, or plot against you, to cause you untold harm. I don't play power games to make myself feel whatever it is that people seek to feel when they do play power games.

It hurts that you think these things of me.

This is not meant as a passive-aggressive retaliation.

But I think it might be best if I pull away for a bit so that you can really figure out what it is you think about me, without my bumbling puppy-dog affection mixing up your thinking.

This is not meant as a passive-aggressive retaliation. Being without you hurts.

This is not a sign of me not loving.

Quite the contrary.

So you know, there it is. Maybe this is what I should have said, then.

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