Thursday, December 18, 2008

In praise of bollocks

Sometimes, when I'm sad or hurting, the only thing I can do is run headlong into churning out bollocks, to wade in it nose-deep, to savour it and have it make me giggle in spite of myself, to allow it to wash over me and through me like a tidal wave of nonsense, which it in fact is, to drink it like mother's milk, to eat it like air. Rejoice, rejoice, for Holy Bollocks is with thee, verily, even at your hour of distress.

No time for bollocks now, though, for I simply must take the dog out for a pee. Be seeing you.

5 comments:

Anna MR said...

So yes, hello, here I am again. It is a right bummer I was cut so horrendously short with my mind-blowing bollocks up there in the post, for I've a feeling I could have gone on for way longer with my descriptions of bollocks-immersion therapy, and said things like, let's see, like

"...to savour it with every sense and senselessness in my body, to breathe in its sweet fragrance, to caress its every smooth and sensuous curve, to plunge into it and grapple with it like one drowning, to listen to it ripple glisteningly through the air like notes played on an angelic harp, for lo, it is a rare and beauteous thing, a breathless dance with and of words, and blah and blah and way, way more blah..."

Yes, it really is too extraordinarily bad that I should have had to go like that, mid-stream as I was of tapping into the rich vein of bollocks, channeling it, losing self and becoming a conduit for it, adding to the sum total of man's understanding of bollocks in amounts immeasurable and insurmountable, just because Ms Dogot, perfectly lovely and lovable mutt as she is, has completely failed to learn to squat on the toilet seat - even though I've thought about it at least twice! - like all decent girls do, although here I'd like to take a moment to absolutely deny what the urban myths and the malicious tongues of tabloids keep whispering and shouting, for I quite categorically do not squat on the toilet seat, ever, and never have or shall, but as it is now, the moment of bollocks is lost, quite possibly for ever, and the only good thing to come about from this whole sordid and sorry mess is that I have now taken my medication, and with any bit of luck, good or bad, will be passing out quite shortly, and it will then be tomorrow and we can all try to put it all behind us, collectively. Oh yes.

Reading the Signs said...

It behoves me to draw your immediate attention to serstsar, which is obviously seestah in WVL.

You have a thing about bollocks. Okaaaay. This is subversive stuff and no mistake and I can only stand back in gosmacked admiration (and you a vegetarian) - no, I mean really. It is now tomorrow and I am here, reading the signs, rejoicing, like you said we should.

Anna MR said...

Listen, serstsar, not only does it mean "seestah", but it also hides the word "tsar" - how the Russkies pronounce "czar" - although there's a wee gluttal noise at the end, but English has no letter for that. As you'd most likely guess, in Finnish you just double the "a" and add an -i. But that right beside the point, for a czar lurks in that word ver, and that's all there is to it.

I do have a thing about bollocks, yes, but how can this come to you as any surprise? After all, I have been talking bollocks here for over two years, no? And I advertise this blog with the line "introspection and bollocks in varying degrees". And me a vegetarian, yes. But yes, you're absolutely right, it is tomorrow, and what's more, it's tomorrow again, as it were, for I was being all-too craftsy last night and couldn't consequently get back to you, although it was always my firm intention to do so. I won't apologise - you know why - but I do agree, yes yes yes, let us rejoice together, seestah, for it is tomorrow, and tomorrow and tomorrow, and we creep in this petty pace from post to post, to the last syllable of published comments. Ahem. Or something. And may the bollocks be with us.

xxx

Reading the Signs said...

It is still the today of an erstwhile tomorrow. I therefore feel appropriately uncionis.

Anna MR said...

Sweet Signs - may I just blow your mind. For I went and googled uncionis, you know, as one does, on spec like. And behold, I find, after only a little bit of research, it means (wait for it) - anointed, in Ido, which (as we all surely know) is "a constructed language created with the goal of becoming a universal second language for speakers of different linguistic backgrounds as a language easier to learn than ethnic languages" (thank you, wiki). Hail to Thee, Anointed Signs (and I'll just enclose the link that lead me to recognise your true state).

My mind blown, I must now to the sales with Son the Elder. Pray for me.