How to cause consternation in one's teenage offspring:
Phase 1.
Read aloud Viktor Erofeyev's short story A Portrait of the Author in an Overcoat (translation mine, from the Finnish translation):
And so I stepped in, in a cock-coloured overcoat. Clean-shaven. Barefoot.
In my hand, a wooden travel case. My arse, red. Covered in lipstick, from kisses.
Phase 2.
Paint your toenails green.
Guaranteed to cause indignancy and horror in those born in the 90s and of the perpetrators direct lineage. Particularly amusing if the said offspring claim to belong to some of the more rebellious youth subcultures (goths et cetera).
God, it's really good to be an outrageous middle-aged mum. It RULES.
Friday, July 13, 2007
Deeply satisfying
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18 comments:
Nails to match yer Merkin?
That would be telling, Merkin.
I am shocked!
Really.
Why green?
(Hello again by the way, lovely to be here again *scuttles off*)
Worse still, Merkin to match your nails?
Dork - your visits bring me great delight, and not only because it is so much fun shocking those younger than yourself. So welcome back again, and no need to act so scuttle-y.
Why green? Shhh...don't tell Merkin...it's because it was on special discount offer the other day at the shop, when I nipped in for some shampoo and stuff. I bought in on impulse, and to shock my children. Shameful, really. But well worth it.
x
What worries me, Merkin, is your use of upper case here...
Ooooops.
Well Freudianed.
Just lie back and tell me about your mother, Merkin.
Just you lie back and think about the lather!!
Hmmm. Interesting response.
*mutters something barely audibly, with jargony words such as transference, aggression defence, Oedipus - writes on notepad*
Right, well, case closed then.
That'll be 50 £.
And, be sure, I am well worth it.
I love your blog - I believe in the philosphy that it is my job in life to cause my own teenage offspring (4 boys) as much embarrassment as possible (when I'm not making them do things they do not want to do) so when they turn 18 they don't want to live with me anymore! (NOTE: It's really not working thus far, the oldest 2 are 21 and 19 and they still live at home)
Green is wonderful!
Whaaaat - 21 and 19?! So there is no hope...
No, seriously. Seriously. Hello, Niniane, welcome, and truly, how very special and lovely to find you here and to hear you have enjoyed visiting me. It really feels magic to have someone quite unknown come, out of the blue like that, not only to visit but to leave a comment, and such a fun and friendly and pleasant comment too. I wish you all the best success possible in pissing off your sons (I bet they are lovely, really), and hope to see more of you in the times to come.
Love from the Northern Lands, Niniane
xx
Merkin, you always have to have the last word, don't you, dear heart? Told you, case closed, my bill for the analysis has been presented. And yes, you are an intriguing case. I may present a paper on you.
x
Yep!
I love that you paint your toenails green (I always have my toenails painted, even in winter - but never my fingernails).
Your boys will secretly love having such a funky mother.
I love Viktor, the more I hear about him.
x
Hei NMJ honey, I don't know, I think mothers are a source of embarrassment no matter what they are like - if you have a "mumsy" one, you want a "funky" one, and vice versa...I usually do my toenails too, except if I am going onstage barefoot.
I have borrowed "Life with an Idiot" from the library (Viktor E.) - I don't know if it is available in Finnish translation, and since I can read English, I thought I'd read it (I have a thing about preferring my Russians in Finnish, I don't know why - although I did originally discover Tatyana Tolstaya, who is probably my favourite contemporary Russian, in English while in Hawai'i) aaaaanyway - will let you know what I make of it, once I get round to reading it.
x
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